Everybody's got something to hide;;

[Ian Ackart]

Book in which I relay my innermost secrets and shit,

Sorry about the title. I don't really want to call this a diary... cause that's too feminine and journal is WAY too overused. So, I'm going to stick with being pure original. This feels a little awkward. maybe that's because I'm not used to writing stuff down. Feels like I'm talking to a book. Does talking to inanimite objects make you crazy? Because I should be a lunatic if that's true. Let me tell ya... earlier I was walking down the street and my ipod just dies. It was right in middle of a great song and I was in one of those 'walkin' on sunshine' moods where I actually sing along! The damn thing just quit!

So there I go walking down this crowded New York street screaming at my ipod. I must admit that I was pretty rude to the poor thing. It was one of those moments where you're completely oblivious to the embarassment right at the moment, but LATER... boy does it take a toll. So I'm all sorts of going crazy screaming, "PLAY FOR ME, BITCH!" at my loverly ipod. GO ME! Some people stared and some people were probably crazier than I was at the moment. Finally my ipod decides it had one last breath. HAH! It wouldn't be a normal day if my ipod did what I wanted it to do. It started back up alright, but it would only play one song... and I'll be damned if it wasn't a song that I swear each and every one of my room mates would laugh at. >>

The song was from a musical called Avenue Q and it's called If You Were Gay. Yeah- real touching. NOT. I should probably have just kept What Do You Do With A BA in English... ugh. Curse my luck. Well, I wasn't about to sing that one walking down the street. I had gotten enough strange looks as it was. Well, I killed my ipod for good by listening to that song. Funny how stuff like that works out. I bitched at my ipod for like an hour after that... well, this time it was inner monologue. I'll share that bit another day.

So... anyway... that's it for the anecdote of the day. On to, well, I dunno... what do people usually write in these things? OH! I want to get coffee. Eh- I was thinking Starbucks, but everytime I think Starbucks I think of Jason Mraz. Then I start thinking about roosters. Why is that you may ask? Because Jason Mraz not only looks like a rooster, but has one on his album Curbside Profit. Don't ask me... the guy brought all of that on himself. So, I need coffee or some energy pick-up of some kind. I'm supposed to go see Taylor this weekend, but I dunno. The kid sees plenty of me already.

GAH!

I can't believe I forgot to mention this! As random as this entry is... I bought Red Eye for like... five dollars. Cillian Murphy is the bomb. Well, he's more of a homicidal, assassinating, maniac.... but who wouldn't love him for that? I feel like writing this has been a complete waste of time. Maybe not completely... maybe somewhere in the dakr abyss of my heart (haha, jk jk)... there was something there that made me feel a little warm and fuzzy. Ick.

Anywhoooooo---

That's it for my daily rambling.
Off to see what other random shit I can get into.

Ian Ackart

[Ian Ackart]

My will to quickly end it all sits front row in my need to fall,

Sevvi won the art show.

I'm proud of her. I don't know if she needed the scholarship or anything, but I'm really glad she got it. What was I thinking? MY art is not meant for shows I guess. The painting was kind of rough... it only took a few months. Hell, that's practically a rush job. No wonder I didn't win. Not even second or third. It's okay, really. I'm not even sure why I let Sevvi enter it into the show. Bah-- art shows, who needs 'em anyway? I certainly don't. Alright- I admit I am a little disappointed-- but I would never take that away from Sevvi.

The reason I'm even remotely upset is that the painting is of my parents. I try one time to put it out there about how I feel and no one seems to listen. That's okay though. I guess for so long I have been hiding everything about them that I just hadn't thought about the fact that people would forget eventually. I know the guys realize it, but that's only because they live with me. It's like they 'feel like they have to be careful about what they talk about'. They really don't. I'm tired of holding things in-- but it's like I can't help it. Naturally I want to spill my guts to everyone I talk to, but I can't force myself to part with the only part of my parents I have left.

People wouldn't know what to do if I suddenly wasn't happy-go-lucky Ian for even a day or an hour. They're so used to seeing me happy that I'm sure they've forgotten there's a part of me that isn't. I just wish I had someone to talk to about this instead of having to write it in this fucking book. No offense. But Melanie and I broke up shortly after mom and dad passed... I KNOW she doesn't want to talk to me again. Eh-- that was a horrible thing. Maybe I wasn't thinking right... or maybe I was. I don't know.

What am I talking about?

I need to quit being so selfish. This school doesn't revolve around me or anything. I am not the only one in this school that's having a hard time. Heh, I can't believe I was that selfish! Well, never again. I cannot be that way. My hurt is not important... it's my friends that I want to worry about. Besides, just writing this shit down doesn't help at all. I need to send Sevvi a text congratulating her.

... the best artist won.

Ian Ackart