FREAK ON A LEASH;;open

[Svetlana Romanov]

sometimes i cannot take this place.
sometimes it's my life i can't taste.
sometimes i cannot feel my face.
you'll never see me fall from grace.

Svetlana's smokey jade eyes wavered as they looked at the painting. Her mind felt like it was betraying her. The rumors weren't true. They couldn't be. She wouldn't let them...

She stared hard at the painting as she bit her lower lip. Mister Barkume came up behind her, glancing slightly over her thin shoulder at the painting. He looked thankful she was in a chair since he was a tad bit shorter than she was. A smile seemed to appear on his face as he put a hand on Sevvi's shoulder and gave her a warm squeeze,"I think they'll love it, Svetlana. It looks magnificent."

He was reassuring her. Svetlana let her lips fall into a flat line. She had different shades of blue on her fingers from the paint, some blue on the large white button up she had as a smock, thought she had a light pink tank top underneath, (it was unbuttoned) that had gotten blue on it as well. She had some regular jeans on her, those surprisingly paint free. She had some regular chucks on her feet and her hair was up in a messy yet stylish bun held in place by a few clean paint brushes, a few strands falling over her face, only a tiny smudge of blue obliviously on her cheek from where she had a tiny itch and hadn't realized she scratched her face with a blue thumb.

"Are you sure?" Sevvi let her head fall to the side slightly as she stared at it a little longer, "I mean...don't you think it is plain? It is just different shades of blue..."

"Exactly," Mister Barkume grinned up at her,"This is the first time I actually didn't see a splash of color in your painting. It looks really good. I expected something surreal, since that seems to be your specialty, but this....it's so....." he seemed to search for the word before he finally said it," you. It is real/"

Svetlana hadn't torn her eyes from the painting. It was someone's naked back-obviously someone young. It was from the nape of his neck, a few hairs from his head visible, and then reached down to hit the tail bone before it stopped at the edge of the large white paper. The person's back looked like their muscles could possibly be toned if the turned around, they looked young, fit, and it was from the view of the person laying down on their side, their back to the person's point of view. The view of the window was visible slightly passed the person, just a darker shade of blue so the person's back still stood out, the sheets messily sitting at the person's waist. They looked fast asleep...peaceful...

And yet everything was blue.

"Do you have a title in mind for it so I can submit it fo the art show and contest?" Mister Barkume asked her as he started back to the front of the classroom. It was Friday, almost six o clock at night...And she was int eh art room-having gotten a pass from Mister Barkume, to spend the entire day in there. She hadn't even come out for lunch. She just wanted solitude...And she couldn't paint in her room-she wouldn't want to get paint on the pretty white carpeting she adored. Hell, she didn't even walk in there with shoes because she loved it so much.

Svetlana bit her lower lip,"You," she said as she took the black thin paint brush, dipped it lightly in the black, and then signed her name neatly at the bottom. Sevvi Romanov. She thought it was an appropriate title for the peice...

Mister Barkume nodded, looking satisfied as he finished packing his belongings to go,"You did maginificent today, Svetlana," he reassured her, seeing the insecurities play out in her face about entering into the contest. It was going to be the first art contest she ever entered in. She might get a scholarship-or even better-get discovered. But Sevvi didn't think she could look at the painting for too long. Mister Barkume was right. It really was beautiful...

It was Jack.

"Make sure," his voice seemed far off to her as she sighed deeply while he spoke,"to lock up when you leave and I will see you at lunch tomorrow to tell you the details and how to get to the gallery," and with that, Mister Barkume was gone and Svetlana sat there alone with her thoughts as the saddest company.

She closed her eyes gently as she stood from the stool , easily slipping the paint brushes into the murky black-blue water in the cup and grabbing the paint pallete, heading on over to the sink not too far from her. She dumped the cup and brushes in there before going back to put the paint tubes away in the cabinets, making sure where she worked was clean before she went over to start washing out all the brushes since she would probably need them eventually.

Sometimes Sevvi didn't even understand her own paintings...Everyone knew what blue normally siginified in art. It had two meanings: sadness or anything related to sadness, and seduction. And currently, the two were sort of playing out in that painting. The first time she did sleep with Jack-or well...that night....When he had fallen fast asleep that picture seemed imprinted in her mind and she ended up painting it. She had originally been ready to paint some surreal landscape or something-something easy for the contest. But then this came out....

The rumors seemed to be spilling out all over than Jack had been getting too friendly with Mandy. But would Jack really do that? Sevvi had never been the jealous type, but it was becoming too much to handle-or ignore. To many girls with the glaring, which she obviously wasn't used to at all, and too many people she now called 'Erikas'. Because they all seemed to get defensive...they all seemed to think Sevvi was in way over her head. She and Jack were a couple right? She wasn't even sure sometimes... It seemed like they were and then sometimes it felt like they were back at square one-chasing each other back and forth like cat and mouse, the roles switching up and flip flopping. But...Mandy was one of her best friends...Sevvi couldn't have been that oblivious could she? To not see something right underneath her nose?

She had been so preoccupied with thoughts of her father it seemed like her thoughts of Jack had disappeared for the past three days. She had even shut her phone off and left it in her closet, inside her purse, back at the dorm. And she hadn't taken it out in the past three days. She didn't even have it on her. The only person she sort of spoke with so far was the new dorm roomie-Airianna was it? Sevvi had been in such a daze...like she was floating on a thunder cloud and it was just waiting to strike...

As she finished the paint brushes, she pulled out her pack of menthols in her back pocket along with her lighter and lit one up, squeezing the one end to hear the pop before taking a long drag and exhaling deeply the minty cancer smoke into the air. She eyes wavered as she threw the pack in the garbage. It was a record. She finished a pack in three days. She hadn't done that since she lived in Russia two years ago. She took another drag as she started back towards her painting, picking up the large canvas and heading over to the large window, placing it in the moonlight so when the sun came out in the morning it would dry faster. She reached up and over the ledge easily and opened the window to let some air in as she took another drag and blew the spoke out. She wasn't suppose to smoke in school but she needed to relax.

At least she painted Jack and not her father-who she thought she would end up painting since her mind had been filled with thoughts of him lately. Now it seemed like she was hit by a brick wall with the Jack and Mandy rumors. Could these things possibly happen...? All in the three days Sevvi had been absent from school and had herself sealed up in her room or back in her Land Rover driving around like a lunatic to Jersey?

No...Jack wasn't like that. They were just rumors... Then she heard the door creak open. It was completely dark in the hallway, and she figured lights from the large art room would filter out into the hallway...Her eyes went over to see who would come in. Noone popular or even Elite ever came in here. This was like her fortress, her sanctuary to get away from all of it every once in a while. And everytime she came here-her friends thought she disappeared...

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[Ian Ackart]

NOW WAKING TO THE SUN
I CALCULATE WHAT I HAD DONE
LIKE JUMPING FROM THE BOW, YEAH
JUST TO PROVE THAT I KNEW HOW, YEAH
IT'S MIDNIGHT'S LATE REMINDER OF
THE LOSS OF HER, THE ONE I LOVE
MY WILL TO END IT ALL
SET FRONT ROW IN MY NEED TO FALL

shit. Shit. SHit. SHIt. SHIT!! Ian just knew that he was late. He had spent all morning putting the finishing touches to his art project. Not being much of a runner, Ian was hard pressed to get to the Adaris Building in time. He had to dodge random people on the sidewalk and those that he knew he barely had time to wave to. It sucked not knowing if he would catch Mister Barkume in the room or not. He didn't have time to glance at his cell phone to check the time. It was all or nothing. At the same time he had to be careful not to damage the painting in the first place! Ian was horrible and random shit happening right before he was about to turn something in. Usually it would turn out to be a huge assignment too.

"Outta my way!" Ian shouted urgently as he basically leaped over a guys head who was hunched over a laptop at the steps leading to the building. Hah- only Ian could make that kind of jump in tight pants. The first door Ian tried was locked. He cursed violently and went to open the one that was right next to it. Lucky for Ian it was unlocked. Yanking the door open, Ian wasted no time in bolting down the hallway. A number of teachers stepped out to tell him to slow down and Ian had even been the cause of a good many students dropping things and getting tripped up.

Finally... he reached the room. Ian shoved the door open and glanced around the room. He saw Sevvi, but he didn't have time to properly acknowledge her. Ian scowered the room and let out another loud curse, "Ah- FUCK!" He lay his painting on a table and ran a hand through his hair. Gone... he was gone... Ian had missed him. Eh- it wouldn't be life if something didn't get fucked up for Ian. He finally looked up to Sevvi as he propped himself against the wall with his arms crossed. "Sorry about that... did Mister Barkume leave? Ah-" Ian looked around frantically once more, "It looks like he did." He was pretty upset that he didn't get to turn his assignment in on time.

"Dammit, the guy can't stay for just a little while longer, can he? I worked soooooo hard on this, too!" Ian complained sourly. He would be over it in a matter of minutes, but he had something to complain about and Sevvi was there to listen to it. Ian knew he could trust Sevvi. She was a pretty nice chick and Ian owed her a lot for baby sitting Taylor sometimes. HE drew in a dep breath, held it, and counted to ten. Then, Ian decided ten wasn't enough... he went to twenty. Stupid art... Ian didn't know why he even tried.

The project itself was supposed to be for Ian to paint a memory that he cherrished. OF course, this wasn't hard for Ian. He knew the memory that he cherrished above anything else, and that was his parents. Ian had painted a gorgeous portrait of his parents. The painting itself was a vision of gray that slowly faded into color in the center around his parent's faces. The trees and scenery was all a blissful blend of grays, blacks, and whites. A painting of his parents could never have been so perfect. It was supposed to show how Ian FELT about the memory as well... and the painting did just that.

In the very essence of the painting was the fact that Ian, though he missed his parents very much, he was starting to forget. The memories were starting to get blurry except there was a small part of them that would always remain with Ian and that was what the color represented in the painting. Ian sighed. He had really screwed up. The one painting that he knew he would make a good grade on and he blew it. It wasn't the teacher that Ian was mad at, but himself. He was angry that he could have even thought about being late with such a painting... his best work at that.

"Man-- doesn't life just go straight down the crapper most of the time?" Ian was sure that this was a lesson most people knew. "I mean-- I'm optomistic MOST of the time, right? The happy-go-lucky guy that people love for no good reason." This time Ian was really letting loose. He didn't want to leave out anything. There were so many things bothering him that couldn't be ignored this time. "But this time, Sevvi, this time I can't be optomistic, hell, I can't be pessimistic because the way I see it my glass fell of the table and broke. It can't be half full or half empty!"

Finally Ian calmed down a little. "Sorry, sorry, Sevvi, didn't mean to let loose on you like that. This painting was just really important to me." He shrugged slightly and mustered up a small smile, "So, what's up with you?" He asked, trying to remain calm. There was really no way for Ian to remain fully calm at the moment. He drew in a deep breath, held it, and counted to ten... then ten wasn't enough and he tried going to twenty. By that time he was able to calm down enough.

Ian's attention was not fully focused on Sevvi, though. Instead, his crystal blue eyes were fixed on the painting in front of him... the one that he had put the most time and effort into. This painting did have a great deal of emotional attatchment with Ian. He had worked so hard on it and it was the only one that he really care about completing. Apparently Ian had a talent for art... he just never used it right. The art teachers would always complain that Ian was wasting precious talent by being lazy. Heh- the way Ian saw it-- he didn't have to put a brush to canvas to portrey something that he could just as easily say outloud.

This painting-- was the one thing that Ian didn't think he could voice to anyone. That was the hard part about admitting failier. Teacher after teacher and every councellor tried to get Ian to talk about his parents' death, but that was something that Ian had trouble thinking or talking about. Even his roomies didn't know everything because Ian was so reluctant to talk about it. It was so private... so sacred almost... that Ian felt this project was the one thing that he would finally be able to let loose on.

Ian finally tore his eyes from the paining and refocused on Sevvi. He could only imagine how much he looked like a freak. Actually, Ian had to be pretty thankful that Sevvi was in the room or else he would have done something completely unmanly and probably would have cried. having Sevvi there provided quite a reality check for him.

[Svetlana Romanov]

When she noticed it was Ian, she seemed to quickly toss the menthol out the window before he could fully focus on her as he started talking. She listened, of course, and made sure to pay attention to every single word-like she always did. It was better, a lot better, to think about everyone else than Jack or her father...

She seemed to lean against the wall where her painting was drying as she locked her eyes onto Ian, her arms crossed over her chest as she looked calm...but blank. Her face seemed to lack the usual abundance of emotion as his words spilled out.

"I can tell him you dropped it off," Sevvi never sucked up to teachers-they all just seemed to like her, especially Mister Barkume. He always said she reminded him of a younger him-only a female of course. So she tended to get away with everything-like entering her peice in the art contest at the last minute,"You don't have to worry about it. I'll just say I forgot to give it to him sooner because you asked me to drop it off for you," she gave a soft, half hearted smile that didn't reach her eyes. Ian was the only one she knew that knew of her little painting addiction...

Becuase unlike the majority of people who could easily express their feelings by saying it outloud-Sevvi's paintings tended to speak for her because she had trouble talking about her feelings in general. She was too used to keeping them to herself. And noone found anythng wrong with her-because they were oblivious to it and thought she was fine because she was constantly smiling.

"And...I'm fine. Just here locking up," she sort of mumbled as she grabbed her painting. She wouldn't leave it in here. Her name was on it. She leave it in the Land Rover to dry. She wrote the title on the back of it in pen before she turned back around to Ian, almost making sure he didn't see the painting...Becuase it would end up giving awy what was bothering her...Sort of. If someone knew her well enough they could easily say what was on her mind-or half of what was on her mind since noone even knew her dad was dead. They just thought he was off in Russia. Which he was-only six feet under the ground in Russia.

"How have you been...other than right now...? I haven't seen you in a while," the last time she saw him was when he was with Taylor and the red head chick at the park. That hadn't been too long ago actually.

Sevvi went to reach for her back pocket but then seemed to stop herself. Fuck. She forgot she ran out already. She'd have to go buy more later on the way back to the dorm...Nah...Maybe she'd crash at her mom's place tonight... Sevvi didn't think she could face Mandy-and going to Jack's place was out of the question. Both to his dorm and to his apartment. She would end up seeing him-and she didn't want to right now. She just wanted to relax. She wouldn't be in school tomorrow anyways. She would be on school property, but only for about the first half of the day before she would leave, get ready, and scadaddle on over to the art show and hopefully win the contest.

Her eyes had fallen lightly on Ian's painting and she felt like something inside her just sort of broke. Like his painting struck a chord. Her eyes seemed glued to Ian's father and she locked her jaw, tearing her eyes away before looking back up at Ian, giving a close lip grin before moving again to turn off the back room lights for the dark rooms that were red. She left the painting off to the side, her back to Ian as she slipped in and out of the three dark rooms before returning back to the main room.

[Ian Ackart]

Ian watched Sevvi move about the room. "Um, yeah-- thanks." He said with a smile,"You are a freaking lifesaver, Sevvi/" It wasn't hard for Ian to admit that her offer save him the trouble of possibly failing art and finally turning in the most emotional piece of his whole existence. There was something different about Sevvi. She didn't seem to be acting the way Ian remembered her acting. Even the day in the park had seemed a little off, though not as much. Ian wondered if something was bothering her. He felt a little selfish for complaining about his own problem when entering the room. Hell, Ian wasn't the only one with problems, was he?

"I'm makin' it, Sevvi, thanks for askin." Ian answered brightly, "Sorry... this is sort of the start of the week that I disappear on everyone anyway." It was pretty much a ritual for Ian. The same week of November he always took a week to himself. It always seemed to help more than it hurt. Because Ian didn't usually like his roomies or his friends to see what kind of mess he would be for a week... he usually just disappeared and hoped for the best of the next week when he would return and no questions would be asked out of either respect or fear. Ian wasn't sure which it was, but he didn't really care.

Iantilted his head, causing some strands of hair to fall over his face. As Sevvi stopped and stared at his painting he wasn't sure if the face she made meant she liked it or hated it. Eh- Ian supposed it didn't matter. As Sevvi wandered into different rooms to turn lights off Ian ambled to the center of the main room where the light was still on. Despite how Ian really felt he fronted with the 'I'm actually happy' mask and dealt with it. "We should hang out more." Ian added with a slight chuckle, "But I guess Jack's your shopping buddy now, right?"

Glancing around at a few pieces of art that were strolled about the room, Ian felt a little better at least. There were some really horrible paintings and some really good ones. Ian tried to make sarcastic comments about the ugly ones in his mind to make himself fell better. It worked for the most part. "Taylor really misses you, too. Every chance he gets he asks for aunt Sevvi now. I tell ya you've made an impression on the kid." Talk about Taylor automatically brought a brighter smile to Ian's face. Taylor was the cutest little kid alive. Just this once Ian thought he could let someone be cuter than him. If that was even possible.

Taylor had the ability to make everyone smile, but he never really got ATTACHED to people the way he did Sevvi. Ian had thought that was strange, but rolled with it. The kid was the ray of sunshine in Ian's dark patch. When Ian disppeared for a week... that was where he went. Ian would go and spend most of his time with Taylor doing whatever Taylor wanted and eating whatever Taylor wanted... which would usually result in a huge weight loss for Ian. Taylor would always rather play than eat so Ian would have to force the kid to stop for lunch or dinner.

[Svetlana Romanov]

Svetlana listened to Ian speak, giving a nod or shrug here and there but not verbally replying. When he brought up Jack, she seemed to tense up slightly before she seemed to catch herself and she composed herself quickly,"Nah," she said nonchalantly shortly after his Jack comment. But she said nothing more on the matter. So when he brought up Taylor, she seemed thankful.

She grabbed her painting before giving a small motion of her head for him to follow her, and to bring his painting with him,"I miss Taylor too," she chuckled,"and we should hang out more. Maybe sometimeover the weekend we can chill or something," because Svetlana didn't think she'd be able to manage hanging out with anyone for too long today without spilling her guts as to what's wrong with her and why she'd been cutting school for the past three days.

"We should go to Coney Island or something before it gets too cold. I'm sure Taylor would love the cotton candy and the rides," she smiled at Ian, trying her hardest to make it reach her eyes but she figure she probably failed miserably.

"Hey," Sevvi glanced over at Ian as she reached the doo,"I have an art show tomorrow...I can get your painting entered," she meant the one in his hand, obviously,"And maybe you'll win," hey, even though she was probably dropping her chances of winning, if Ian won she would be just as happy.

[Ian Ackart]

Coney island... Ian hadn't been there in quite a while. "Sure. Cotton candy he doesn't need." Ian said chuckling softly, "But I'm sure Taylor wouldn't mind the rides at all. The kid gets excited about riding in a car let alone amusement park rides." Taylor was a little cutie. He was so pure and that was what made Ian want to protect him. Ian wanted Taylor to keep the cute innocence he had that everyone seemed to love. It never hurt to do something with Taylor and spending a day at Coney Island with Taylor and Sevvi didn't seem to be a bad idea. At least it would help him take his mind off of things.

Ian hadn't considered entering his painting in a show. It didn't seem like such a bad idea. He glanced to the paining, then back up to Sevvi. "Would you? That would be great." He said enthusiastically. "I worked hard on this one. Usually I just slack off and get yelled at for wasting talent, well, not this time." Ian was glad he had Sevvi as a friend. He wasn't sure why she gave him the time of day sometimes. Of course that was just Ian's self conscience side slipping out.

"May the best artist win, Sevster." Ian said with a smile as he grabbed his painting and walked toward Sevvi. He held the painting out, "Protect this with your life, kay? There's no way I'm leaving it here and I can't go to the art show." He never left anything in the art room. There was no way he would risk it getting stolen or destroyed. There were some hateful people in the school. Ian didn't want to risk anything. He was actually excited about his painting being entered into the show. It gave Ian a chance to not only vaguely show how he felt about his parents, but a chance to show that he does use his talent.

The fact that Ian trusted Sevvi with his painting should tell her something. Ian was a very open individual, but there were some things that he just didn't trust people with... even his closest friends. His parents was one of the things that Ian tended to closet emotion wise.